Lyuba Venable
Somatica® Trained Intimacy Coach
I’d like to tell you a love story.
It’s not a story about falling in love with my husband, whom I adore. It’s not a story about my two beautiful children, who I would do anything for.
It’s a story about falling in love with my life.
It began many years ago, after I had just married my first husband. I had followed my mother’s advice to wait until marriage before I had sex, and when the time finally came for us to make love – it did not go as expected at all.
Two virgins, it was anything but fun. It was awkward and tense, and I was unable to find my way to pleasure. After several more, similarly awful attempts I decided, “sex is not for women.”
Every time my partner initiated sex, it felt like torture. And the longer we were together, the more intensely I would avoid sex. My aversion towards sex became so intense, I even began to avoid intimate connection I really enjoyed, such as cuddling, for fear that it would turn into sex. Every now and then, there would be moments when I felt a surge of love for him, and I would think, “okay let’s try this again!” And yet, every time my body would go numb and I would lay there thinking, “what’s wrong with me?”
Eventually, I decided to leave that marriage. But it wasn’t until years later, during a passionate sexual encounter with a causual acquaintance, that I discovered for the first time that sex could be really fun! I felt alive, and connected, and I felt pleasure! I was shocked to realize that all of this was possible, even outside the context of romantic love.
It sparked my curiosity. What else was out there that I had yet to learn about? How many of my assumptions about female sexuality were incorrect or misguided? A hunger was born inside me and I gave myself permission to play and explore. I started to experience a lot more pleasure than I thought possible – but I also began to access a whole new level of aliveness in myself.
As I explored, I discovered something really important. I learned that good sex comes from understanding and being able to fully embrace a pleasure mindset. This realization transformed my life. I began making all of my choices through a lens of “Does this turn me on?”
And I’m not just talking about sexually. I’m talking about the lightning rod, fully-body excitement or wonder that we are capable of experiencing in just about any moment. I’m talking about my inner wisdom, my life-force energy, my ability to delight myself by aligning with myself.
With this new mindset, I realized that when I’m not teaching about sexuality, I’m not fully living. I decided to leave my corporate job and begin working with women to explore what might be possible with a life lived in pleasure. Now, working with both women and men who wish to discover and learn about female pleasure, I am living my most fulfilled life. I am so grateful for this opportunity, and I look forward to learning about your love story!